i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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