accomplished twins. life is a go
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
