I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you will always have a special place in my vag
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
