his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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