new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
