she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
