I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
