we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
