hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
