I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
