I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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