How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
