Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
