when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
