I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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