He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
