I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
