i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
