either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
