i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
