Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
