so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
