I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She even gives head with a lisp.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I forget how to act sober
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
