just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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