Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
