So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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