At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
