based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
