I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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