I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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