Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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