I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
