just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
