he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
How external is "for external use only"?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
