Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize