And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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