This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
