I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You don't make any sense
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