Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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