This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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