I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
