is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize