Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
