Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
