Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
this is an emotional support booty call
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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