This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have already put on my inside pants.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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