I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
