I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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