she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
