2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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