i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
