everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize