We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
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