Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
