covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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