I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
