I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
