I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
