I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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