The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
