Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
