in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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