When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Bring me that man meat
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
