My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
