Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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