My pussy is not your playground.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
