I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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