It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
