made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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