almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
