Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
