im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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