the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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